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Valentines Day

Feb. 14th, 2006 | 08:57 am
mood: lovey
music: Hold On-Wilson Phillips

Although I've never been a huge fan of this holiday, (Obviously with the exception for 2004) I've decided to make my own comments on this years "love fest."

If, per chance, you are lucky enough to have someone you love in your life, being there to tell them that you do makes all the difference in the world. Today is a day that, unfortunately, it is expected, but sending love notes, and little reminders every once and awhile (other than on cupid's corporate holiday) make the relationship you might have that much better.

I wish that for you this valentines day, and everyday.

I'm off to work. To suck every last dime out of this holiday. If you want to come by and wish me a happy valentines day - you SHOULD, I'll be there all day.

Lots of love, and not just because its the 14th of February.

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And I suddenly am in love with the counting crows.

Feb. 1st, 2006 | 03:53 pm
mood: lovely
music: Hanginaround-Counting Crows-This Desert Life

Mr. Jones

Sha la la la la la la la la.
Uh huh.
I was down at the New Amsterdam starin' at this yellow-haired girl,
Mr. Jones strikes up a conversation with a black-haired flamenco dancer.
You know, she dances while his father plays guitar.
She's suddenly beautiful.
And we all want something beautiful.
Man, I wish I was beautiful...
So come dance the silence down through the mornin'.

Sha la la la la la la la.
Uh huh.

Cut up, Maria! Show me some of that Spanish dancin'.
Pass me a bottle, Mr. Jones.
Believe in me,
help me believe in anything.
'Cause I wanna be someone who believes.

Mr. Jones and me tell each other fairy tales,
and we stare at the beautiful women:
"She's looking at you. Ah, no, no, she is looking at me."
Smilin' in the bright lights.
Comin' through in stereo.
When everybody loves you, you can never be lonely.

Well, I will paint my picture.
Paint myself in blue and red and black and gray.
All of the beautiful colors are very, very meaningful.
Yeah, well you know, gray is my favorite color.
I felt so symbolic yesterday.
If I knew Picasso,
I would buy myself a gray guitar and play.

Mr. Jones and me look into the future.
Yeah, we stare at the beautiful women:
"She's looking at you.
I don't think so. She's looking at me."
Standin' in the spotlight.
I bought myself a gray guitar.
When everybody loves me, I will never be lonely.
I will never be lonely.
Said I'm never gonna be lonely.

I wanna be a lion.
E-everybody wanna pass as cats.
We all wanna be big, big stars, yeah but, we got different reasons for that.
Believe in me 'cause I don't believe in anything,
and I wanna be someone to believe, to believe, to believe.

Mr. Jones and me stumbling through the barrio.
Yeah, we stare at the beautiful women:
"She's perfect for you. Man, there's got to be somebody for me!"
I wanna be Bob Dylan.
Mr. Jones wishes he was someone just a little more funky.
When everybody loves you, ah son, that's just about as funky as you can be.

Mr. Jones and me starin' at the video.
When I look at the television I wanna see me starin' right back at me.
We all wanna be big stars, but we don't know why and we don't know how.
But when everybody loves me, I wanna be just about as happy as I can be.
Mr. Jones and me, we're gonna be big stars...

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Last moments in Deutschland

Jan. 30th, 2006 | 12:08 am

I just had my last bang up night in Germany. I spent it with a Canadian, a German, and an American, all in Berlin, all at a pub, and all loverly people! I can't believe its all over, i can't believe that i won't be here tomorrow....maybe this is the breath of fresh air a needed to clear up my cloudy life, to show me what i can and WILL accomplish by myself.

Strong girl, thats ME :)

I'll let you know about the flight... 9 1/2 hours isn't anything to look forward to.

lovin you

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Leaving Germany

Jan. 27th, 2006 | 11:15 pm

I'm warning you now, the keyboards here are weird. They have the letter 'y' in the spot where the 'z' is on our keyboards - WILD

My trip has gone well, and I'm heading home on monday. The last stop is a trip to Berlin tomorrow and then i fly out early monday morning. I've made a lot of friends, and will miss deutschland dearly.

I plan on ending posts to my live journal once i get home, i hate to admit it, but i've been writing more and more in a paper journal, and i am happy with it. If i do update the LJ way, it will prolly be for pics.

I will update when i get home.

Love You.

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New Years, Peace Corps, the begining of the end of boredom!

Dec. 31st, 2005 | 10:09 am
mood: excitedexcited
music: Crying Shame-Jack Johnson-In Between Dreams

I've been super busy, but i'm sure you've figured that out because of my lack of posting. I had my interview with the peace corps last tuesday, i've been working a lot, and on top of all that i've been getting ready to leave for my trip to germany on sunday. Busy Busy Busy!

The Peace Corps interview went awesome. She really liked me, and told me that i was the perfect canidate for the peace corps. the only problem was that i didn't have the specific skills that were needed to be placed as soon as they could, so, after talking with my recrutier briefly, we talked about my experience with agriculture, and coming from my family, its hard NOT to know stuff about planting. I was nominated for a program in sub sahara africa; working in fisheries. When i get back i'll finish up all the clearences and actually see what program i get into. "Life is calling. How far will you go?"

I'm out of my mind excited about my trip to germany, i've got plane tickets, and train tickets, and just plain old love ready to take with me on my trip. I can't believe i'll being seeing my Toby on monday!!!!!

I have to get going. I barely had time to type all this!

Love ya!

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whats up? lots is up!

Dec. 20th, 2005 | 06:08 pm
mood: cheerfulcheerful
music: Gwen Stafani - Luxerious-Gwen Stefani

My life has beewn hurdleing forward lately. I've mostly been very busy with work, but that makes doing anything else a real challenge. The holidays seem to be passing me by, but the spirit is still strong in this soul :). I've had some small issues involving boys; basically just me not being good at being lonely. I love being loved. usually with the boys that i want to love me, that means to have sex. which is what ends up happening but i'm endlessly content in their presence...just happy to talk, to listen, and to be. too bad i don't have anyone that wants to do that with me.

The peace corps called today. I have my interview with them next tuesday in NYC. I can't wait. I leave for germany in 11 days, I can't wait for that either. Its like since september, these are the moments i've been waiting for, and now they are just around the corner. I can't wait to spend time with toby. and potentially, some time with james in london. Most of all, i can't wait to crawl out of the shell that is my life right now. I guess i feel like i'm in a lonely slump, but i really am doing well, considering.

I've lost a lot of weight since college, and am very happy with my body. I almost never drink anymore too. I always feel full of energy. I fall more and more in love with the people that i work with everyday. In fact, i potentially will spend new years eve at bernie and eric's. it would be my first new years eve party. (sad life i know)

I'm happy. And i really really love life.

wishing you luck with yours.

Happy Holidays!

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Dec. 8th, 2005 | 09:52 pm
mood: cheerfulcheerful
music: Don't Bother-Shakira-Oral Fixation Vol. 2

Sorry i've been so down in my LJ lately. Things are going fine

Germany is SOOOO close! I can't wait to jump into a big Toby hug!

I also have awesome christmas present plans.

hey. i heart you ;)

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Self pity night? Perhaps. Horrible Night? Definatly!

Nov. 29th, 2005 | 07:03 pm
mood: sadsad
music: Brown Skin-india.arie-Acoustic

I was supposed to go out with Kevin, again, tonight. Again, Kevin is a no show, and I am looking like a fool. I said that i've been stood up before, I never said that I was good at taking it over and over again. But twice from the same guy...Its pathetic. I'm pathetic.

So I decided to start unpacking some more boxes in my room. By the time i got to one of the boxes in the corner, i was feeling nostalgic for my living room, I had found some cool candles and CDs, as well as flowers that used to be part of the ensamble that was my Living room, i was almost feeling better about getting stuood up because of the oppertunity to get stuff done. Then, as i was pulling out the vase that used to sit behind my TV set, and pull out the newspaper, what i thought was dirt at the bottem of the vase turned out to be a HUGE nest of ants. As soon as i pulled out the newspaper they were everywhere, the carpet, my stuff, the newspaper itself, and worst of all, ME. I ran to the bathroom in a frenzy, and threw the newspaper covered in ants into the toilet, and the vase into the sink, the ants began to crawl everywhere. it was at this point I realized my fear of ants and began trying to shake them off the newspaper and into the toilet to flush them down, realizing that that wasn't working, i proceeded to throw the newspaper covered in ants into the shower and turn on the water. It doesn't really get better from there. My mom and I had to get into the shower and squash them all so they would go down the drian. Then we had to clean out my room so we could vacuum up the ants that were left.

Needless to say, i didn't unpack much. And alot of my stuff was sent back out to the shed.

So i'm sad. Because there are potential ants in my room, because my unpacking has been set back again, and because i was stood up, and i'm lonely.

Maybe Shawn put a voo doo curse on me. If so, its working.

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abstract, don't read if this gets on your nerves

Nov. 28th, 2005 | 11:03 pm
mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

Relationships are over rated, as much as i partake in them, i dispise them. Why is it that you need to promise another person that you won't be with anyone else? Why does this promise hold you to so many others? Why don't I understand the purpose of such things in our everyday human lives. I love companionship as much as the next person. I long to cuddle before bed, and early in the morning, but for some reason....no one ever seems to want me as much as i want them, and when i think i find someone that could paritally feel for me in a normal capacity, they turn into a boiling over pot of emotions. I'm speaking long term here, why does it all confuse me so? Why can't i hold up on the "normal" end of things. Fast seems the only speed i can go, unless i'm going no speed at all.

Men confuse me, Women confuse me, I confuse me.

A lot of what i said up there in that paragraph isn't all true. I understand relationships. I just don't know why through that understanding, i can't, on my own behalf decide what i want in my life.

New boys. Why? To leave them?
Old boyfriends. It didn't work before. Why is he so perfect now?

Wishing for answers.

Have a holly jolly...life.

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thankya m.

Nov. 27th, 2005 | 06:33 pm
mood: naughtynaughty
music: nina sky - move your body girl-pop/r&b/etc.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

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